life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
