i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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