Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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