I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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