erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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