It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
