apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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