I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
