I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
