you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Randomize
