i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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