Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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