Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
