eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
