It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
