I will die if light touches me.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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