we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
