either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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