we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
