Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
