Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
