Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
