...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
