there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
