I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
