Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
