matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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