All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
