No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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