barbara walters just said penis...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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