We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
