My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i out mim tonsoeep
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