So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
