that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
