i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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