Ambien. No doubt about it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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