Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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