Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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