i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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