We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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