i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
