i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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