I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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