Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
