My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
