i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
