I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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