The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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