I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
