idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
